my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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