How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
