Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
