I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
