Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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