just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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