Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
