my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
