a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
