he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
