I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
