she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
