I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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