It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
