Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
