btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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