So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
