I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
