I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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