We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm sobbing to NWA
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
