I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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