Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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