Why are handjobs necessary in class?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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