he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
