woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
