Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You ruined the universe
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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