You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
