guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
