onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
