i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
