could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
