Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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