When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
