I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He better not be in your backpack
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
