Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can you bring me the toilet please
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
