They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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