Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
