Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
