Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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