Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
