Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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