dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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