Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
