we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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