I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
