Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
