Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
