With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
