just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
