First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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