I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
