You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm both gender and math confused
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