btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
