DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
